Member-only story
4 Hard Truths About Boundaries
A Guide to Articulating Your Needs and Expectations
No one teaches us how to do this. Or, maybe some people do, but I certainly wasn’t taught about emotional, physical, and mental boundaries growing up. During the first twenty years of my life, this practice wasn’t modeled for me by anyone in my life. And when I finally found people who were doing this, at times, tedious work of setting personal boundaries, it felt uncomfortable and unusual to speak so transparently about my needs or to be asked to honor others' boundaries so rigorously. In fact, I couldn’t even articulate my own boundaries if I tried.
I, like so many others, have spent years getting enmeshed with anything and everyone around me. Latching on to ideas of myself as perceived by others. Having boundaries means knowing yourself, your needs, and your capacities. It means honoring yourself and your sacred right to sovereignty before all else, even at the expense of someone else’s comfort.
Believe it or not, none of this comes easily. It is grueling at times, and requires constant self-reflection, untangling yourself from old stories, open communication, and processing. This work is complicated and intensive.
So, let’s take a look at three hard truths about setting boundaries:
